The yearly Spotify Wrapped is a relatively upbeat affair, which doesn’t doesn’t fairly match everybody’s temper this yr. For the extra sullen amongst us, there’s an alternative choice: a bot from The Pudding that may choose us for our crimes of listening to horrible music.
If you wish to be judged, you open a web page titled “How Dangerous is Your Spotify” and also you log in along with your Spotify account. (It’d take a pair refreshes on the “Loading your music library” web page.) This absolute jerk of an AI then drags you mercilessly whereas it pulls your playlists and high tracks. It asks you questions earlier than it exhibits any outcomes, in phrasing that offers the plain textual content the identical aura as the ladies who bullied me in center college. Did you actually take heed to Clementine by Sarah Jaffe? (Sure) Like paradoxically? (No…)
The ultimate judgement comes within the type of a multi-hyphenated phrase, adopted by a web page of unfastened statistics (I’m apparently 24 p.c fundamental). This silly little laptop program deemed my Spotify listens mason-jar-candle-from-target-craft-beer-snob-wet-ass dangerous. And you already know what? It’s proper. I listened to a frankly unholy quantity of Hozier this yr. Spotify Wrapped needed me to be happy with that, however I’ve spent the yr hating the truth that I used to be too bummed out and busy to really hunt down new and thrilling artists.
The bot shouldn’t be truly that personalised. It’s going to ask everybody the identical boilerplate questions in a snarky tone. But it surely nonetheless gave me the validation I didn’t know I craved. My music style kinda sucks, however whose doesn’t? Who amongst us doesn’t like to take heed to the identical outdated tried-and-true songs that hit good, even when they earn the scorn of our extra pretentious pals? Please be a part of me on this journey of shameless shamefulness, and discover some pleasure in a well-earned roast.